FINER POINTS AND DEFINITIONS OF THE GAME

Rugby

A game played with 30 men (2 are hookers) going both ways for 80min.

Referee

A blind idiot that keeps persecuting me for no good reason

Good pass

Any pass to me

Hands of stone

What a teammate has when he drops my perfect pass

Bad pass

Any pass that I drop, or a pass while I was open

Off-side

The referee's mistaken call for my enthusiasm

Free kick

What a ref calls if he's not sure he should call a penalty or a scrum

Scrums

Referees way of getting back at the forwards

Lineout

A way for tall lanky player to feel useful

Aggressive play

When I rake or stomp on an opposing player

Dirty play

When an opposing player rakes or stomps on me

Decisive play

I punch an opposing player, 'cause I know he was going to punch me!

Team player

Teammate the pounds the opposing player that just raked me

Brut

Thug on the other team that wants to punch my face in

Kick for goal

When your team can't get close enough to score a try

Run The Penalty

When your kicker can't make the kick, even from 10m in front of the uprights

Good kick

Any kick I get off

Bad kick

When a teammate kicks the ball instead of passing to me, so I can kick

Good reception

When I catch the ball

Bad reception

When I drop the ball, BUT always because the sun got in my eyes!

Defensive play

A player with hands of stone

Defensive team

Team that scores less than five points and always win

Offensive player

A player who can't tackle

Offensive team

Team that scores more than thirty points, but always win by one or two

Team player

A player who will always pass me the ball

Ball hog

Teammate that goes for the try instead of passing to me

Backs

Players who don't like physical contact

Forwards

Player that have no hands, or are as slow as a slug

Good sport

A player that doesn't slit tires of the other team because they won